Last weekend at an auction I must have shaken hands close to 100 times, most in the form of casual greetings, hello-goodbye kind of stuff. One handshake with a friend got me thinking about the importance of this non-verbal form of communication.
The practice of the handshake dates back to ancient times when men armed themselves with daggers. Should you meet a stranger, the extended hand demonstrated that a man was unarmed. Grasping the extended hand sent the signal you meant no harm and a hearty shake was a last opportunity to dislodge any hidden weapons up a sleeve.
Today the handshake has evolved into all manner of hand-jive and gestures. From “knuckle bumps” to “pounds” to “back-hands” to the ever popular “high five”, we use a wide range of hand signals to communicate intent. The perfect handshake would be where the two parties fully grasp each others hand, thumb webs touching, squeezing firmly with one or two slight shakes, lasting two to three seconds and breaking cleanly. Other important considerations would be timing, eye contact, body positioning and verbal accompaniment. Here are a few tips to help interpret some common handshakes.
“The Bone-Crusher”: A slightly unfriendly, aggressive shake usually meant to send a clear superiority signal. The shaker secretly revels in the discomfort you are feeling. This handshake creates a permanent distraction for any interaction that follows.
“The Dead Fish”, a.k.a. “The Limp Noodle”: Opposite of the “Bone-Crusher”, this shake is passive. The shaker either lacks confidence and self-esteem or he lacks interest in this interaction. He wishes he was someplace else, meeting someone more engaging.
“The Dislocator”: Upon immediate hand-clasping, the shaker gives a jaw-rattling tug, pulling you off balance and into his space. This nearly dislocates a normal elbow, but does allow you to immediately determine if the shaker’s mouthwash is working.
“The Finger Shaker”: Rather than fully gripping your hand, this amusing fellow clamps down on your four extended fingers. This handshake is likely the most embarrassing for the shakee. His thumb flops around searching for a landing spot and he never gets to exert a grip of his own. It sends a clear signal that the shaker is dominant and the shakee is a loser.
“The Prolonged Grip”: Everything starts fine…the extended hands clasp normally, a firm two second grip and you initiate a clean release. But the shaker doesn’t release your hand. This means you must double-grip, until he decides to release. The shaker is probably demonstrating his sincerity by prolonging his grip, but it’s a bit unsettling for the shakee.
With the varied styles of handshaking, we could go on and on, and we haven’t even touched on other forms of greeting rituals. It is said that Polynesians rub noses. Monks in Tibet stick their tongues out at each other and some tribes in New Guinea slap each other on the buttocks.
In our fast-paced, disconnected world, we could use a little more human connection, so offer a hearty handshake when appropriate. But remember, between grown men, even a “Dead Fish” is generally better than a swat on the rump.
-Steve
