After conducting an exhausting survey comprised of ring men and auctioneers whose opinion I respect and a few I question, two dress code issues rise easily to the top. First, when do you switch from wearing a felt hat to a straw and visa-versa? Second, when is it necessary to wear a tie to an auction?  

All the respondents had definite ideas about the hat issue and they all were pretty close to the same. In the years preceding well-known auctioneer Stanley Stout’s death, he single-handedly made the felt/straw issue a mainstream concern. No ring man was immune to public ridicule from his block, should he be caught wearing a lid different than Stanley’s. Over time, his influence touched so many, that today it is common to check in with other co-workers to simply ask “Felt or straw?”

There is general agreement that a felt should be worn till around Easter. Then break out the straw hat till Labor Day. This “rule of thumb” however, is loosely structured around demographics and climate. If it’s early April in Houston and 97 degrees, it’s acceptable to don a straw and so on. As the hat-change date nears, it’s not uncommon for ring men to take both to a sale. If you watch carefully, you’re likely to see a young ring man run to his vehicle to switch hats before a sale starts. I was told real working cowboys south of the Mason-Dixon Line wear straws year round and those that ride north of the line wear felt hats year round, but that’s likely a matter of personal interpretation. Anyway, we all know that the terms “real working” and “ring man” can not be used in the same sentence.

This tie question really pushed a hot button among respondents. Talk about one extreme to another. Auctioneers agree that they generally wear ties as a professional statement, but ring men are not really in agreement. One ring man says he has never worked without a tie and another says it is never appropriate to wear one, an open collar is fine. Female sales: yes. Bull sales: no. After 6 pm: no. Before 9 am: you’re kidding, right? Fall and winter: yes. Club calf sales: sometimes no. Pig sales: sometimes yes. Real estate auctions: usually yes. Car auctions: usually no. If you’re a breed rep of any kind: always wear a tie. If you free-lance: usually, but call ahead. Glossy publication rep: yea. Newsprint rag: nah, but if you do, it must clash with your shirt. Married: wear the one your wife bought. Father: pack the one your kids bought, but do not wear it. Seasonal-specific ties: cute but not necessary. Species-specific: not cute, not necessary. Bandanas: only if your name is Baxter Black. Bolo ties: you’re kidding, right? Some ring men are deemed overdressed and gaudy because of their coordinating starchy duds while others are not invited back because of their slovenly attire.  

All-in-all, most auction staff agree that sale day is an important day for a seller and more times than not, ties should be worn out of professional consideration and respect for the folks who write the paycheck. One thing is for sure, the dress code has changed in the auction business over the years. Someday I may tackle the issue of cowboy boots or lace-up chukkas, but don’t hold your breath waiting for an answer to the burning question: boxers or briefs?

-Steve (not necessarily a fashionista himself)

For years duct tape has worked with its long time partners baling twine and baling wire, as the undisputed fix-all repair kit. From cracked hoses to bags with holes to securing tarps to repairing cabinet doors to broken shovel handles to closing chip bags to leaky boots to long-lasting book covers to lawn furniture repair to gagging hostages to closing suitcases to securing diapers to band-aids to unsightly hair removal the list goes on and on. Somewhere in that long list of uses is wart removal. Scientists say duct tape applied to warts, irritates the skin stimulating the body’s immune system to attack the wart virus, but us normal folk don’t need a fancy explanation for keeping several rolls on hand.   

I know people who swear it works, but to be honest, I haven’t had great success removing warts with duct tape. I blame that on a lack of patience. I prefer to see more immediate and sometimes drastic results. I’ve used emery boards, razor blades and my personal favorite, liquid nitrogen from the semen tank. Of course, I’ve also spit Copenhagen on mosquito bites and small abrasions and taped a broken finger to another one, come to think of it, with duct tape. Once, my father-in-law concocted a sure-fire cure for a persistent case of hiccups. It was a no-questions-asked, gulp-it-down cocktail that turned out to be a shot of brown vinegar. It cured my hiccups but I couldn’t talk for two days, which I believe was his intent in the first place.

A famous somebody once said “Duct tape is like the Force: it has a dark side and a light side and it holds the universe together” and judging from this picture I’d say that’s so.

If you have unique use for industrial duct tape, not the wimpy transparent kind, please share it with us. Email any pictures to ssellers@edje.com.

-Steve