The auction was loud.

'Twelve hundred, fifteen, two?'

The PA system was set to rattle the walls. As the auctioneer chanted into the microphone, the men around the ring yipped and hollered.

'Two, twenty-two, twenty-five, now three.

It had been a good sale but was noticeably tapering off and you could sense things start to stall.

“Three, three thousand, thirty-one?”

The ring men scanned the crowd, searching for any movement that would indicate a bid. Nearly two hundred people filled the seats and the way the bleachers were set, they could have used a fourth ring man.

A yell from the right, “thirty-five, six, seven? No, you’ve gotta be thirty-six, thirty-five is straight away.”

This was a discerning crowd who seldom looked up from their catalogs and the experienced hands knew it was in the short rows now. “Work hard, boys”…the auctioneer admonished his help and the ring men scanned the crowd.

A yipe and it’s “seven, thirty-eight, four.”

For a few seconds, four thousand dollars seemed a miniscule amount and the ring men poised to go to five, six or even ten thousand.

“Thirty-eight, four?”

Nobody moved.

“Thirty-eight, four?”

Time stands still as the fast paced momentum brakes and the ring men search for a response.

“Thirty-eight, four?”

The crowd wears a collective smirk.

“Thirty-eight, four? How ‘bout nine, thirty-eight, nine and I’ve…v…v…v…v…v…”, the auctioneer deliberately holds the note, hoping for a last second intervention.

A couple of days ago, my wife and I had a disagreement. It wasn't an argument so much as she just couldn't see the picture as clearly as I could. I'm not saying she was wrong. I believe if she had not been so emotional involved she could have seen that my opinion was clearly the wiser alternative. However, it seemed that the more I attempted to persuade her to follow my thought patterns, the deeper she became entrenched in her own misguided opinion. As the conversation grew heated, it became clear that she had lost all possession of logic and was now driven by the emotion of the moment, and nothing I could say would help matters. 

My guess is that all men reading this have experienced the same phenomena. Pitted against an unyielding, emotionally-charged woman, where the more you talk, the worse it gets. There is a reason for that. Miscommunication in a relationship is common because men and women use language in different ways. Men tend to rationalize situations, hiding any feelings to demonstrate their masculinity. Women on the other hand, have a tendency to analyze rather than rationalize. Driven by emotion, it is more likely that a woman will find numerous perspectives. Because of these natural language barriers, when a man makes a clear statement, a woman often hears something completely different.  

For example, when a man says “Can I help with dinner?” a woman actually hears “Why isn’t dinner ready yet?” She could easily translate a simple question like “What do you want for Christmas?” into “I don’t love you enough to figure it out on my own, so just tell me”. There are areas of language danger that most men know to stay away from. These are well known pitfalls that women intentionally throw out as occasional tests. The answer to these questions could have an impact on where you sleep tonight. The all-time great is “Does my rear look big in these jeans?” and I pity the man who answers that rationally. Others you will encounter are “Should I go on a diet?” or “Don’t you think so and so is pretty?” or “Do you think I look like my mother?” 

In the heat of a disagreement, there are clear statements men should stay away from. “Just relax” or “All right, just calm down” will be translated as “It’s just like a woman to get crazy over nothing.” Another thing a woman doesn’t want to hear during a fight is “Well, fine” or “Yea, whatever”. You just told her you were removing yourself from the argument because she has nothing more important to say. Bad approach.

One thing is for sure, men are destined to say or imply the wrong things.  We are even guilty of occasionally mistranslating what we hear. When I asked her if it was ok to post this blog, for example. Obviously “Do whatever the #@%* you want” doesn’t mean what I thought it did. Move over, Rover. 

-Steve        

Today I talked with a customer who told a familiar story. Her father was an active cattleman in his younger day. He worked, as many of our parents did, from sun up to sun down. In his 70's now, the old man lived through good times and bad, world wars and the threat of wars, recession and inflation. He and his wife raised a large family. The kids had to go to work early in life but he taught them to revel in that responsibility. He lost his wife some time back and his health gradually got worse as Father Time began to pay more frequent visits. Now adults, with families of their own, his children shared in the caretaking duties. After an operation or two and a stint in a nursing home, they brought the old man back home to live out his days. He can’t understand why the once healthy arms that pitched hay bales with ease now have trouble lifting a spoon to his mouth. Why the legs that thought nothing of running down a new born calf, now require the help of a walker just to stand. How can it be, that in such a short time, the very kids he taught to bait a hook, now care for him as he once cared for them? 

If it’s true that what goes around comes around…then perhaps it would be better if the entire cycle of life were reversed. Here’s a theory I heard that was interesting. 

You should start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, you wake up in an old folk’s home, with all your loved ones around to encourage you and you get to feeling better every day.

Eventually you get kicked out because you’re too healthy, but that’s ok, because now you can sit back and draw your pension for a few years.

Then when you start to work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink, party and generally have a good time as you prepare to enter High School.

You know all those babes in High School will have braces and wear glasses in a few years, so you aren’t as picky.

You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities and then you become a baby with permanent caretakers.

You spend the last 9 months floating peacefully in spa-like conditions and the living quarters get larger every day. 

Sounds better than the way we do it now. What do you think? 

-Steve    

With the arctic temperatures sweeping across the country, you would think that the animal notorious for hibernating away the winter months would be hunkering down even more. But no! He bought a plane ticket to Miami and will be bringing it to that team from the basketball state this weekend. GO BEARS!! Make all true fans of the Black and Blue Division proud.

For all of you attending Super Bowl parties on Sunday, be safe on the roads, and enjoy the commercials!

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It's been all over the local news. Four senior high boys appeared in court yesterday charged with felony crimes surrounding what they say was just a prank. The boys stole a very large dump truck from a nearby construction site, drove it to the high school, crashed through a six foot chain link fence and parked it blocking the student parking entrance. Local authorities are quite upset and plan to criminally charge the young men, at least one of which has already been suspended. All will likely have to seek an alternative school to graduate from. The teens say it was just a senior prank they did for laughs and the subsequent suspension and felony charges are far too harsh. An attorney for one of the boys says these are all good boys and the families are concerned with how this simple prank will mare their record. 

Well…duh. 

What the media fails to tell is that in November, the same type of incident occurred, with connections to these same teens. They fail to examine a history of fighting and other “pranks” these good boys have been involved in. 

I wonder if, as the four drove around that night premeditating a prank of this nature, they thought of how their parents would look on camera.

As they fired up the $150,000 dump truck, did they think it would be worth the $10,000 bail they would later post?

As they crashed through a school security fence, did they think it was OK?

As they parked it and ran from the scene, were they sure their girlfriends would think this was a good idea?                                    

Just because they DID IT, would they be held responsible for the property damage, loss of work and risk to others?

Nah...it was just a prank...something seniors do.

-Steve